During awards season, you know the routine: break out the cummerbund, roll out the red carpet, polish the golden statue and prepare for a posh gathering of the critically-acclaimed. Accordingly, the rest of the country has waited all year to find out who will be recognized as the “best director” or who had the “best original screenplay.”
With beautiful celebrities in full force, lights, cameras and Botox everywhere, the world watches. Everyone on social media chirping their two cents about best outfit or best picture. Ultimately, the only thing that matters is listed inside the sealed envelope. That time when speculation turns into actuality, when the winner of the vaunted Waniewski (Wa-new-ski) trophies are announced…
Wait, what do you mean the Oscars were also this weekend?
They use a 13.5 inch tall, golden statue that weighs 8.5 lbs too? And Anna Kendrick has already RSVP’d for the event at the Dolby Theater in Hollywood? But, but, what about my bow tie?!
To be frank, the Waniewski Academy Awards are not related to the movie industry at all. In fact, Mr. Waniewski doesn’t bother himself with the nominees or winners for the Oscars. To further clarify, the Waniewski Academy Awards recognize sporting excellence. At the Waniewski Awards, a “screenplay” is always upstaged by a “screen play,” like Aaron Rodgers tossing a touchdown pass to Eddie Lacy.
Like Charles Caleb Colton said, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” So, in the true Hollywood sense, the show must go on. Now, without further ado, the winners of the 2015 Waniewski Academy Awards are:
Best Director goes to Urban Meyer.
Despite poorly timed injuries that only exist in a Shakespearean tragedy, the Ohio State University head football coach managed to lead his young Buckeye team to a B1G conference title, Sugar Bowl title and College Football Playoff National Title. It was the first National Title since 2002 for tOSU and the storybook ending of these underdogs couldn’t have been penned by Scorcese himself.
Best Picture goes to Odell Beckham Jr.
Moving picture or still image, athletics provide society with a captured moment to obsess over. This is crystal clear as you see how ODB made one of the greatest catches in the history of, well, catching any thing. Two thumbs up.
Best Costume Design goes to the Toledo Walleye.
Typically, I love the traditional designs, like the Ohio State football helmet or Detroit Red Wings sweater. Recently, I find myself drooling over the progressive Seattle Seahawks uniforms. However, minor league teams of several sports try to attract big league attention by pushing the envelope of game day fashion. No team succeeded like the East Coast Hockey League’s Toledo Walleye. The minor league hockey franchise not only donned a Batman themed jersey, but, they made sure the visiting foe wore corresponding Riddler sweaters. Bonus point for the old school Adam West-Batman version too.
Best Actress goes to Serena Williams.
Technically, an actress is a character in a dramatic production. Well, no lady dramatically produces like Serena. Aside from being the reigning Australian Open champion, she is also the number one (1) ranked women’s tennis player in the world, and has been since Feb, 2013. Plus, she has tons of red carpet style
Best Actor goes to Tom Brady.
No dude on this planet produces in the clutch like Gisele’s husband. This golden boy has a golden arm, movie star-good looks and just won his third Super Bowl.